Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Real Mothers

This is just something I came across when I was reading parts of books from one of my favorite authors, Jodi Picoult. She's the woman version of Nicholas Sparks in my eyes. Most people would know her from My Sisters Keeper. I think a lot of women can relate to this, so enjoy :)

“When did they stop putting toys in cereal boxes? When I was little, I remember wandering the cereal aisle (which surely is as American a phenomenon as fireworks on the Fourth of July) and picking my breakfast food based on what the reward was: a Frisbee with the Trix rabbit's face emblazoned on the front. Holographic stickers with the Lucky Charms leprechaun. A mystery decoder wheel. I could suffer through raisin bran for a month if it meant I got a magic ring at the end.

I cannot admit this out loud. In the first place, we are expected to be supermoms these days, instead of admitting that we have flaws. It is tempting to believe that all mothers wake up feeling fresh every morning, never raise their voices, only cook with organic food, and are equally at ease with the CEO and the PTA.

Here's a secret: those mothers don't exist. Most of us-even if we'd never confess-are suffering through the raisin bran in the hopes of a glimpse of that magic ring.

I look very good on paper. I have a family, and I write a newspaper column. In real life, I have to pick superglue out of the carpet, rarely remember to defrost for dinner, and plan to have “BECAUSE I SAID SO” engraved on my tombstone.

Real mothers wonder why experts who write for Parents and Good Housekeeping-and, dare I say it, the Burlington Free Press-seem to have their acts together all the time when they themselves can barely keep their heads above the stormy seas of parenthood.

Real mothers don't just listen with humble embarrassment to the elderly lady who offers unsolicited advice in the checkout line when a child is throwing a tantrum. We take the child, dump him in the lady's car, and say, "Great. Maybe YOU can do a better job."

Real mothers know that it's okay to eat cold pizza for breakfast.

Real mothers admit it is easier to fail at this job than to succeed.

If parenting is the box of raisin bran, then real mothers know the ratio of flakes to fun is severely imbalanced. For every moment that your child confides in you, or tells you he loves you, or does something unprompted to protect his brother that you happen to witness, there are many more moments of chaos, error, and self-doubt.

Real mothers may not speak the heresy, but they sometimes secretly wish they'd chosen something for breakfast other than this endless cereal.

Real mothers worry that other mothers will find that magic ring, whereas they'll be looking and looking for ages.

Rest easy, real mothers. The very fact that you worry about being a good mom means that you already are one.”
Jodi Picoult, House Rules

Friday, December 2, 2011

Just Another Week

My favorite calls at work this week:

Me: "Bail bonds.."
Subject A: "Hi, I need to know if my son has a warrant."
Me: "Okay, what's the name?"
Subject A: "Well I don't think I want to give you information about him if he has the warrant."
Me: "Alright please hold for two seconds while I go consult my crystal ball."

Me: "Bail bonds.."
Subject B: "Uh... uh.. hey. My boyfran had court today. He suppose to be der at 9. What had happened was he was sleep until 10:30. He went up der and now they tryna say he gots a WARRANT for failing to appear. You need to get this straightened out."
Me: "I'm sorry I made your boyfriend sleep in. Let me call the judge and explain."

In case you all didn't know, my occupation is "miracle-maker." And, for the record if you have a warrant and are calling us, we NEED your name to look it up in the system and I promise we will not arrive at your door in 2 minutes via GPS tracking. We like to think we're that awesome, but sadly we are not. This is the real world, not Criminal Minds.

Last week I had the greatest of intentions to blog about Thanksgiving and how excited I was for Black Friday shopping, but exhaustion quickly caught up with me. Thanksgiving Day was relaxing and fattening - the way it should be. We had many reasons to thank Jesus for this year, and we especially thanked Him for the healthy delivery of our new cousin Autumn Lynn Worth. She came at 4:01am Thursday morning and made her poor mama miss her daddy's yams fresh out of the oven. We went that evening to see the little peanut, and she's absolutely perfect. Congratulations Kristi and Greg! Not going to lie, I started to miss the days when Brinley was brand new, and I started flashing back to how special her birth day was to us. But then I looked down at my lots-to-love handles and suddenly my baby fever broke.

Let me tell you what, this baby weight is incredibly hard to lose. I haven't been able to keep up with my pilates because Harry Potter has been consuming my tiny bit of free time I have. I know, that's the worst possible excuse ever, but Kyle is making his mother and I catch up so we can see the new one. He gave us until December 4th to watch all 7 movies, and those suckers are at least 2 hours long EACH! I've only done pilates (once) so I'm not at the point where I don't need the instruction video, so I can't do pilates and Harry Potter at the same time... what's a woman to do!?

My sense of time is all thrown off this year. I can't believe it's already December. I think this is the first time I have ever been without snow this time of year. I'm begging for a white Christmas, so Mother Nature has 3 weeks to get it figured out. Ohio is insane, all we have so far is a little frost is the morning. But, I have a love/hate relationship with snow. I love to play in it but I hate to drive in it. You would never be able to tell I'm from MinneSNOWta because I'm totally the girl driving 30mph with her hazards on while waving my arm out the window to get people to just pass me. I don't really mind driving in the snow itself, I just hate the people that ride my rear end and make me nervous. You may zip down the road as if it's 80 degrees and sunshine, but when I pass you because you slid into to the ditch I have full laughing rights. Slow and steady wins the race, big guy. However, catch me on my snowboard and that's a different story. ;)

Friday, November 18, 2011

Naughty and Nice List

Welcome to blog number two. Does this officially make me a "blogger?"

Lately I have been nothing but a scatter brain, and being an outsider looking in at me could be rather amusing. Off the top of my head I can think of instances this week where I put refrigerated items in the cabinets, left the washer open after loading it (those clothes soaked for so long they had no choice but to be clean), answered my cell phone multiple times as "bail bonds.." and, as much as I hate to admit this to everyone, I grabbed socks out of my "dirty" pile and wore them to work. Yes, it has been one hell of a week. Since I'm such a festive girl I thought I would make a list of things that are naughty and nice.


1. Jagger. Nothing else tops the naughty charts like our 4-month-old American Bulldog. He was doing so good at potty training, but for some reason this week he decided to regress back to his younger days. The worst part is he knows its wrong and only does it to punish his parents. Giving Brinley all the attention and not Jagger? Pee. Not feeding him more than one dinner? Pee. You don't want to play tug-of-war right now? Pee. Jagger's going through manopause and isn't happy? Pee. There really isn't any way to deal with him. Clearly I don't have any more hair left to rip out, and I think Kyle secretly sneaks off to the other room and cries. So, we have learned to just laugh it off (after disciplining) and get back at him in our own ways like calling him Jagger-licious and making him wear Christmas pajamas when we have company over :)

2. Brinley's sleeping schedule. This week our daughter has decided to be much older than she is and only take one nap. She will sleep from 12-3 each day and skip out on her 5 o'clock nap. Anyone who knows babies knows that a 5-month-old cannot SUCCESSFULLY be awake from 3pm to 9pm, especially a baby who always needs her beauty sleep. I usually look forward to 5pm so I can relax and unwind from work while Bryn sleeps. Now instead of peace and quiet we have a grumpy and high maintenance baby. Dear Mr. Sandman, I miss you.

3. Baby weight. 11 pounds of lovely Brinley still hanging out .. literally. I tried to start running, and I was doing really good, then I got sick and had to hold off. I've been feeling better for a week now, and I'm still holding off. Everyone says "you just had a baby.. you'll lose it.." The JUST had a baby excuse is getting a little old now that she's almost 5 months. Normally it's the mother overusing the excuse, but I'm fully aware that I just don't have the motivation at the end of the day. However, I'm starting pilates this weekend and nothing will stop me. Hopefully.


1: Friday's: Who doesn't have them on their nice list? Friday means Gigi watches Bryn for a few hours while mommy and daddy go out. We have our Friday Night Gang with Kelly and Tara (Kyle's relatives) and sometimes a few other pretty cool people. (: Whether it's hookah and tunes at Kelly's house or crashing the VFW, we always are bound to stir something up! This week is bowling - be ready Gahanna!

2: Peppermint Mocha coffee creamer. Enough said.

3. Jesus. Got to give a shout out to my main man who keeps me sane, and helps me deal with all the craziness around me. As much as I may complain sometimes, He has blessed my life with the most beautiful people and I'm incredibly thankful for all that He does for me.  

Thursday, November 10, 2011

New Kid on the Blog

For those of you who remember, I tried this whole blogging deal when I first found out I was pregnant. I failed miserably. I barely had my page set up, and I posted one blog and I think it even said "I'm not finished.. I'll write more later.." Now, post-baby, I'm suddenly feeling ambitious again and ready to give the world of blogging one more chance.

Besides my baby and my job I don't have a life, so be prepared to read about both quite often. Back in September I started working for a bail bonds office, and life has been pretty interesting ever since. I have been exposed to some pretty cool people in Columbus, and since then I have had extraordinary stories to tell. My first week of  working for them, a drunk man came in to bail someone out and was trying to convince me I was his granddaughter. He proceeded to tell me about my life according to him, and my boss had to take him to an interview area and tell him I'm not related to him. Then, just a couple weeks ago I was officially initiated into the business when a man called the office and told me I cost him $6,000 and now he's going to hunt me down and kill me. Ever since then I have started carrying my tazer with me everywhere. So, needless to say, there's never a dull day at work and I need to tell my stories to someone because poor Kyle gets an earful.

My other time-consumer is my 4 month old. Fortunately the Lord blessed us with an easy-to-please baby, but she sure demands everyone's undivided attention. She has already learned the fake cough and starts hacking up a lung if you aren't staring at her.

                                                       "Hey, hey mom.. Lemme blog with ya!"

So here's to round two! If I make it to my second blog I'll be proud of myself. That's serious committment to me right there.

By the way, I'm now accepting all information on Black Friday leaks! Only 15 days left until I get to spend entirely too much money and force Kyle into a panic attack! :)